Submitted by d20domme
You may be surprised that as a Dominant, and a long time BDSM participant and educator, even I have had my consent violated. That's why it's important to know what do if it happens to you. If you believe your consent has been violated in a BDSM context, it's essential to take steps to ensure your safety, process your emotions, and address the situation appropriately. Here are the steps you should take:
1. Ensure your immediate safety
Stop the activity: Use your safeword or signal to immediately stop the activity. If you cannot speak, use non-verbal cues or signals agreed upon beforehand.
Leave the scene: If possible, remove yourself from the situation to a safe space.
2. Attend to your physical and emotional needs
Seek medical attention if needed: If you have been physically harmed, seek medical attention immediately.
Emotional care: Take time to calm down and care for your emotional needs. This might involve reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional.
3. Document the Incident
Write down details: As soon as you feel able, write down everything you remember about the incident. Include dates, times, what was agreed upon, and what happened.
Save communications: Keep any messages, emails, or other communications that relate to the incident.
4. Communicate your experience
Talk to the person involved: If you feel safe and comfortable doing so, communicate with the person who violated your consent. Explain how they violated your consent and the impact it had on you. This can sometimes lead to an apology and resolution.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, community members, or support groups within the BDSM community who can offer advice and support.
5. Consider mediation or professional help
Mediation: If both parties are willing, seek mediation with a neutral third party experienced in BDSM and consent issues. This can help facilitate a constructive conversation and resolution.
Professional help: If the incident has caused significant distress, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor specializing in sexual health or trauma.
6. Report the incident if necessary
Community reporting: If the violation was severe or if you believe others may be at risk, consider reporting the incident to community leaders or event organizers.
Legal action: Depending on the severity of the violation, you might consider legal action. Consult with a legal professional to understand your options.
7. Self-care and healing
Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, or confusion.
Healing activities: Engage in activities that help you heal, such as journaling, meditating, or spending time with supportive people.
8. Education and future safety
Educate yourself: Learn more about consent and boundary-setting within the BDSM community to help prevent future violations. Resources include books, workshops, and online forums.
Reassess relationships: Reevaluate your relationship with the person who violated your consent. Consider whether you feel safe continuing any form of relationship with them.
Having your consent violated is a serious and distressing experience. Prioritizing your safety and well-being is paramount. Reach out for support, document the incident, and take appropriate steps to address the situation. Healing is a personal journey, and it’s important to give yourself the time and space you need to recover. The BDSM community values consent and respect, and there are resources and people available to support you through this process.
d20domme is a Human Behavior Analyst PhD , a 24/7 lifestyle Femdom, kink educator, and a certified Hypnotherapist based on the East coast of the USA. You can read more about her personal 20+ year journey From Mundane to Mistress on her website.
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